Heck, I'm like a drama queen, always unconsciously trying to catch everyone's attention, hoping that everyone will like me, care about me, or even envy me. Sometimes I would even make up some false stories, such as bizarre birth or weird family background, and even the smallest daily things such as what to eat for lunch have to be exaggerated. I know this is wrong, but I can't help it. Whenever people don't pay attention to me, I feel uncomfortable and I don't know what to do.
Here, let me give you a warm hug first.
Actually, yeah, all of us fear or crave attention to some degree. Few people could care less at all about what other people see, because we live in complex relationships that often shape our self-perception.
Where there are people, there are interactions, and when there are interactions, there are inevitable comparisons and competition. For example, when I was a child, my parents used to tease my children by asking, "Do you like dad or mom more?" If the child says he or she likes dad, mom may be a little bit lost; conversely, dad will be hurt. Although this may be a joke, the child's answer is sincere, while the adult's response may harbor real emotions.
So, no matter what kind of relationship we are in, we all want to be seen, just to different degrees. Some people cultivate the state of "not being happy or sad", but that takes a lot of experience and realization. What can we do to adjust when we seek too much attention?
First, accept yourself.
The first step is to openly accept yourself as you are now, both strengths and weaknesses. Only by accepting what is true can change happen.
It's like having a cold. If you say, "I'm not sick," you won't go to the doctor. Admitting that you have deficiencies is the first step to growth.
Remember, everyone is imperfect, and that's normal.
Second, separate the issues from the people.
Many people tend to confuse the problem with themselves, for example, instead of saying, "I'm a performer," try saying, "I have a tendency to act out my behavior. This removes the problem from the personality - personality is hard to change, but behavior can be adjusted.
When we distinguish between problem and ego, we can look at ourselves more objectively and find room for improvement.
Third, explore the reasons for your performative behavior
Psychologically, performative behavior may stem from a lack of love and attention in childhood. When you grow up, you are prone to overcompensate and desperately seek outside approval. You can think back to your own upbringing.
Of course, looking back is not about blaming your parents or your childhood, but understanding why you are the way you are today. It is also important to believe that we have the ability to choose the direction of our future.
Fourth, try to sublimate your desire to perform.
If you have a natural inclination to take center stage, use that desire in the right way. For example, choose a job that requires you to showcase yourself, like an actor, teacher, leader, presenter, or internet star, so you can legitimately get noticed.
Fifth, go inward for recognition.
While external attention is satisfying, it's easy to get lost if you rely solely on it to define yourself. It is more important to develop inner confidence and rely less on the judgment of others.
This requires practicing the "Courage to be hated". We recommend the book "The Courage to be Hated", which is based on Adlerian psychology and teaches us that we don't live to satisfy others, nor do others live for us. Don't be afraid to be hated.
If the situation is serious, it is advisable to talk to a professional counselor.
I'm the sometimes Buddhist, sometimes positive counselor, and the world and I love you.