My husband and I have been married for almost four years and have no children yet. We have been living with my in-laws for more than a year now. My mother-in-law is straightforward and lives a particularly frugal life. I want to throw away some things when they are broken or when they have been put away for a long time, but she always says that I am wasting them, and she even removes the bad part of hairy food and continues to eat it. She always picks and chooses when I cook, which makes me feel especially irritated. I used to have a good relationship when it was just us as a couple, but now my mother-in-law makes me angry when she doesn't move, and I have no place to vent my anger, and I hate my husband for some reason when I see him, and I feel that he doesn't care about anything, and I can't convince his parents. My mother-in-law's family has two sons, and we are the younger. My elder brother has taken out a loan to buy a house, and I want to move out, but I'm not allowed to do so financially, so I feel like I'm at a dead end, and I'm very worried. My mother-in-law wants us to have a child, but my heart is very resistant, I just don't want it, I feel that if I have a child, I will suffer more, I might as well put up with it now.
Hello, friend:
You hate the current state of life, and the husband itself is not much of an emotional problem, the main thing is very resentful of the mother-in-law, she said something easy to make you angry, and then see the husband on the fire, in fact, you are taking the husband to take the mother-in-law's anger, you do not want to directly conflict with the mother-in-law, but the husband also does not act. If you live with the elders, the man's role is very important, you need to regulate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but after a long time, both sides are tired, and in the end, both may lose.
You know very well that you don't like your in-laws but can't move out because you can't afford to buy a house, you mentioned that your older brother got a loan to buy it and that they are not financially well off but chose to live independently and although it's hard work, the days are their own.
You consider the child's problem, your worry is very right, now the family atmosphere is not harmonious, having a child will only add fuel to the fire, the mother-in-law does not realize their own problems, and the husband is blind to the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflict, the child will be more difficult after birth. Raising a child requires care and adequate financial support, the current focus is to resolve the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, how does your husband feel about the problems between you and your mother-in-law?
Will he understand you? Or stand on his own point of view and say: Mom is like that, do not care. First of all, you have to understand that the mother-in-law is his mother, he prefers to be close to his mother, the mother will not always nag the son, but will pick on the daughter-in-law, if you do everything to the heart, think about how hard it is to get through the day. You must have put up with a lot this year.
If you want to stay out of the way, establish your own mental boundaries, either you are strong enough inside to not care about their nagging, nagging is their business, it's hard to agree when two generations have so many differences in their habits, understand each other's differences and accept that everyone is different, and you have to set boundaries such as being independent of each other, living together but respecting each other like strangers.
Either that or find a way to move out, it's hard for a woman to be unaffected by her mother in law, so live your life in time when things are ok, big brother can get out and so can you. Find a way, there is no extinction, maybe you are still dependent on your in-laws.
Don't let your mother-in-law get in the way of the couple's relationship, right now you know there is no problem with your husband, as time goes by you will resent him and create a disconnect that will be harder to deal with.
The above represents only personal opinion