I recently caught up with the variety show "Daughters in Love" and I realized that so many of my friends are especially prone to headaches when they fall in love.
Once they fall in love, they put love in the first place and devote themselves to their lovers and feelings. Day after day, the other side of a small action, or even a casual word, can instantly affect their mood and state.
Slowly, you can't even find yourself, and you become more and more dependent on your other half.
Is this typical relationship brain?
On a psychological level, does relationship brain count as a personality shortcoming or not? How can you stabilize yourself in a relationship and not get carried away?
Hi!
From your description, I can sense all those questions and curiosity in your mind, especially trying to figure out what's going on with the relationship brain.
You mentioned that watching the program resonated with you, and realized that some people go all in when they fall in love, focusing all their time and energy on the other person, and over time, their emotions are completely led by their lover, and they even lose themselves, so you're trying to figure out if that's relationship brain and how to maintain emotional autonomy in a relationship.
I'll help you run through the ideas below with my own understanding, purely personal opinion haha:
Let's start by saying that the kind of situation you're asking about is not relationship brain.
I think, yes, this is a classic sign of love brain.
The word "love brain" is now quite hot, to put it bluntly, it is a kind of "love is bigger than life" way of thinking, only the eyes of the lover and love that thing. Psychologically, this belongs to a cognitive "narrowing", easy to get into the bull's-eye, decreased judgment, self-control becomes weak, emotions are also particularly easy to blow up. If you put it into a close relationship, it becomes what we often call a love brain.
From a psychological perspective, does love brain count as a character flaw?
Personally, I don't think it's necessarily a flaw.
Because the love brain and each person's personality traits, the way of doing things, and the influence of the family of origin (such as lack of love as a child, grow up to be particularly eager to be loved, and once in love, forget about it) are related to each person, and not necessarily a problem with the character itself.
Here's the point: how to not let your emotions get the best of you in a relationship.
First, one has to first realize that one may be predisposed to this.
Only by being aware of the problem is it possible to avoid the pit of relationship brain.
By reviewing your past experiences and figuring out why you take love so seriously and why you are so dependent on the other person, you can treat the problem.
Common reasons may be related to childhood experiences such as lack of love, low sense of self-worth, and always feeling unworthy of love.
Second, recognize that you are a different person now than you were in the past.
Tell yourself: I have grown up and am capable of handling my emotions. This way, I can be more objective and not lose control so easily.
For example, if the other person does not reply to the message in time, you start to feel anxious - it may be the feeling of "being neglected" from childhood that comes back. But if you can remind yourself that "I can handle it now", you will think rationally: he may just be busy, not that he doesn't love me anymore. This way, the emotions will not be easily carried away.
Third, learn to give yourself security and look at yourself and the other person in a holistic way. Understand that there is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect love.
More importantly, thinking this way helps you recognize the reality: even if I lacked love in my childhood, it doesn't mean I'm not good enough. The unique me is worthy of being loved. This way, you can avoid losing yourself in a relationship and becoming overly dependent.
Giving yourself security and loving yourself is really about building a healthy self-perception - I'm not perfect, but I deserve to be treated well.
If you want to get rid of relationship brain, you need to be self-aware, then realize your growth, and finally build a solid self-identity. In this way, emotions will not be easily led by others.
I hope these shares inspire you a bit!