Recently, I always forget things, I have difficulty in concentrating, my reaction time is also slow, I feel that I am inferior to others in every aspect, I am useless, I can't be motivated by anything, my heart is full of anxiety and despair, and I even feel that my life is about to come to an end.
Hello friend! It's just a few short words, but I can deeply feel your frustration and pain. I am Yu, the Heart Exploration Coach, and today we are here to talk about this topic together.
Let's start with the belief thing, we all know that self-suggestion is a powerful force, positive self-affirmation motivates us while constant self-negativity knocks confidence.
Generally speaking, there are four core beliefs of self-denial: 1. I think I'm useless; 2. I think I'm unlovable; 3. I think I'm sinful; 4. I think the world is dangerous. These thoughts tend to keep us stuck in our little "I" world and we can't get out of it.
These negative beliefs can come from family heritage, like a negative legacy passed down from generation to generation, or they can stem from personal trauma, like a frustrating experience, like a variety of labels that have been placed on us - some about identity, some about abilities, some about behaviors, and some about feelings... Like you wrote, I keep forgetting things, I have trouble concentrating, I'm unresponsive, I feel worthless, I reject everything...
We can try to take a closer look at these labels, feel the emotional changes in the body, observe the balance between them, and you will find that some of the reactions are instantaneous, psychologically called "automatic thoughts" or "distractions".
When I think of "inattention," what images come to mind? What sounds ring in my ears? What emotions and feelings does it make me feel?
When I think "unresponsive," what images come to mind? What sounds ring in my ears? What emotions and feelings does it make me feel?
When I think of "nothing", what images come to mind? What sounds ring in my ears? What emotions and feelings does it make me feel?
Perhaps we can also ask ourselves, how do I cope in these situations?
We can try to reconcile with our emotions, when negative emotions and distractions bother, try to say to yourself "so what", you will find that the sky will not fall!
We are always unwilling to see their own good, only focus on their own bad; always unwilling to look at what they have done, and hold on to things that have not been done. Seems to do well is luck, do not do well is not their own.
People are naturally inclined to look for reasons, and the "I'm not good" reason seems to be the answer to everything, but it doesn't really help.
Because it's just an excuse, but it doesn't help, and the idea of "I'm not good" can lead us into a cycle of "I'm not good, I'm worse than everyone else", and then really I'm not good, I'm worse than others", and then I'm really afraid to do what I like, making myself even more unhappy, and then proving to myself that I'm really not good.
Let's think back to when you were a child. When you first learned to walk or use chopsticks, did your mom interrupt you again and again out of worry and fear? As time goes by, we judge ourselves on unknown things, "I can't do it right", we have problems with self-efficacy, and when we grow up, we are vulnerable and care too much about other people's opinions, which all stems from our low self-evaluation, lack of inner strength, and tendency to blame ourselves.
We can also think back to childhood, when you presented ideas or needs, did your parents respond with positive encouragement or serious rejection? If a child often receives negative responses, he or she will lack self-confidence, be restless and anxious, and suffer socially and in relationships as an adult.
We can start by accepting ourselves, everyone is born good enough, it is self-sufficient, no need any reason or condition. Try to find your strengths or good points, maybe there are 100 bad things about me right now, but there are also 101 good things about me, look for the good points, and you'll find more good things as you go along. Write it down and brag about yourself, because the ability to find the good takes deliberate practice.
We can also try to find resources. We are used to looking at life through the lens of problems, but it is actually harder to find resources than problems. When things go wrong ask yourself more often, who else can I turn to for help? What options do I have? What else can I utilize?
We can also seek help, since the matter bothers you and it is not easy to overcome it right away. Find a trusted family member or friend who gives you positive support and talk about it, or if you feel the need, seek a counselor, as emotions need an outlet to relieve the heaviness inside.
We also need to recharge ourselves, any change starts with ourselves, cultivate hobbies, enrich inner knowledge, build your own evaluation system, when your inner core is strong and stable, you will become more and more confident.