I'm a college student and I feel like I'm constantly "not doing my job" and the person I liked over a year ago doesn't like to study. I wonder if I like a certain game or subject because I like that person. I still can't get over TA.
What do you think, and what do you think I should do about it?
Thank you for the invitation. I'm Huijuan.
Your question is not a formal consultation and my response is based on your limited description. Based on my clinical experience, there may be incomplete information or biased understanding, so the response is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling. It is recommended that you make an appointment for professional counseling.
Here's what I've sorted out from your description.
1. Your problem is complex and involves many aspects. From my experience, there are at least two or more points need to be identified (will be discussed in detail in the consultation), the overall lack of focus, full of doubts, more to recognize themselves, but also down to "what should I do", and this "how to do" in the end refers to the treatment of The "how to do" refers to whether to deal with the TA, to restore the relationship, or to deal with the emotion of not being able to forget the TA.
A. Do I like something because I really like it? Or do I "force" myself to like something because I like someone?
B. Do I like TA because I'm "out of work" or is TA attracted to me because he's "out of work"?
C. Is this "unprofessional" behavior appropriate? (After all, I am a college student ......)
D. TA and I are over, but I always think of TA when I like something (like a game), and I think of TA when I see something I like. what's going on?
E. Can any teacher help me analyze what I should do?
2. Back to the last question: what do you think, what should I do?
Let's start with my opinion:
A/ The phenomenon of love of the house has existed since the beginning of time.
B. Understanding and familiarity also increase favorability. That is, you are more likely to like a person if you see them often.(For example, there is an old joke that long-distance lovers send gifts by writing letters and end up falling in love with the letter carrier).
C. If you want to connect more deeply emotionally, having common interests can make it easier to empathize with each other and make the other person feel relaxed and trusting (just like using social psychology techniques in marketing, such as wearing the same type of clothes or doing similar poses, which can quickly bring people closer together and on the same page).
There is a theoretical basis for all of this.
Now answer: what should you do?
How you do this depends on your current goals, which means you need to clarify your problem focus first.
A/ I want to study hard.
B/ I miss TA and want to save the relationship.
C/ I miss TA, but it's in the past and I need to let go of the relationship.
D/ I want to start a new relationship.
Or, you may have other goals that aren't explicitly stated.
It is advisable to make an appointment for professional counseling help. This is necessary for clearing the chaotic thoughts, focusing the problems and clarifying the goals. More effective work can be done with a professional counseling setup.
Bless you.