From time to time, some strange thoughts pop up in my head, and I am shocked by them. For example, the last time I took the high-speed train, when the passenger next to me bought a drink to pay, my mind suddenly flashed out of the idea of "this is not a plutonium coin, right", and then immediately beat myself up for thinking so; today, I took the public transportation and inexplicably had the urge to take off my pants, disgusting to myself; accompanied my cousin to buy a backpack, and when I saw the perfume, I actually associated with whether there is any can kill ghosts of the style. I know these thoughts are not right, but they just come up, what's going on?
If what you're saying is from personal experience, I have complete faith that your feelings are real.
First of all, this state of affairs must be particularly tormenting for you, being on edge all day long, even shaking with fear at times, and living like you are in the shadows.
I can understand your insecurity and even blame yourself for not having these thoughts. But these thoughts are like the occasional leaf, they come and go, they have no beginning and no end, just try to put your mind at ease and deal with them.
Simply put, it's about learning to accept first. If you want to dig up the roots, you may have to go back to your upbringing, your sense of self and all that deep stuff, but it's going to take time. Are you willing to take it one step at a time to figure it out and work through it?