Hello teacher, I need your help urgently. Ever since I was a little girl, my father has been a heavy drinker, and when he drinks too much, he goes crazy and behaves in an exaggerated way, trashing the house, cursing, and saying things that are so hard to hear that you can't believe it.
I grew up especially envious of other people's families with respectable fathers, but my dad always made a fool of himself when he drank and embarrassed people. Now my mom can't hold it together long enough to get a divorce, and she's cheating on me. Although when I found out, I talked to her in secret and she promised me she wouldn't do it again.
But I really don't know what to do next.
With Dad not fighting and Mom doing the same, I feel like there's no better solution than to lose both.
Hi, first a remote hug to you. I'm glad to see you asking for help and I hope my advice will give you some support. From your description, I can sense that your family has been hit hard due to your father's chronic alcoholism, and the emotional toll it has taken on you and your mom in particular has left you feeling angry, aggrieved, low self-esteem and helpless.
Parents are not something we can choose, and all we can do when we grow up is learn to accept the reality that we have an unreliable father whose immature behavior really hurts you and your family.
While it is certainly wrong for a father to drink, he may be fulfilling certain needs through his drinking that need to be seen and understood. When your father is drinking and causing trouble, you can try to be brave enough to say how you really feel and what you need so that he understands how much his behavior is hurting his family.
If it's a little difficult to say in person, you can try writing a letter to your father about the damage his alcoholism did to you growing up, as well as your feelings and expectations. Writing a letter can help you better express and release those pent-up emotions.
I don't know if you are an adult now. If so, all you can do is respect your parents' choices and trust them to handle their lives. Because in order to help your parents, first you have to take care of yourself and get your life in order. What do you think?
I'm Lilly the Little Earther from the Answer House, and the world and I love you.
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