Three months ago, I inadvertently turned over my boyfriend's cell phone, the results found that he actually still keep in touch with his ex-girlfriend. What makes me even more devastated is that he said to his ex-girlfriend that he had no feelings for me at all, and even offered to chat nude, let her send nude photos, chatting about all kinds of ambiguous content, see me straight nausea.
I was furious and immediately broke up with him. But he came to me later and admitted that he did have these things, but argued that he was just being flowery with his mouth and didn't think that way in his heart.
He also kept talking to me about his family's family situation and background, meaning that his kind of personality is caused by his family. I softened my heart and forgave him and we made up again.
However, I always have a lump in my heart and it's hard to trust him again. As a result, a few days ago, I caught him chatting with his ex-girlfriend again, who asked him for his mom's phone number and called it, and he even offered to send her a red envelope.
I really don't know what to do now. I admit that I still like him, but I just can't accept what he's doing.
Hi owner, I'm glad to talk to you about this.
I'm a whale social worker fairy fairy.
I wish I could give you a warm hug. How do you feel about him now? You must love him and hate him at the same time, right? On the one hand, you love him, but on the other hand, you feel that he can not be relied on, trust and security are gone, and you can not get out of the way, this kind of days in the cracks is too painful.
Maybe I can give you a few questions to help clear your mind. Have your own internal dialog first and see if that helps.
➡️ What do you think true love should look like? Is it two people who like each other, or is one party unrequited?
➡️ Which is more important to you, a person's promises or their behavior? Is it what he says or what he does?
➡️ If he hadn't just chatted naked but got his ex-girlfriend pregnant, would you still believe him when he said he loved you?
(You may be thinking that it's not that far yet. But it's really no different in nature, I'm just magnifying the problem, but he's still saying he's only loyal to you.)
➡️ With these questions, I want to help you recognize your boundaries. Where are your boundaries for loving yourself?
How far can you tolerate him violating you and the boundaries of your relationship?
🙈 Loving someone is right, but true love shouldn't be filled with suspicion and insecurity, much less unilateral enjoyment of benefits, right?
True love should bring you smoothness, warmth and happiness. If it doesn't, then what you're holding on to might just be that you haven't found a better one or can't let go of what you've invested in before.
I hope you can see your own bottom line and understand what's really going on inside so you don't regret making choices in the future.
❤ The world and I love you.
(whale social worker fairy fairy)