I've been getting bullied lately by a guy who won't stop mentioning my dad's name. I chose to ignore it at first, but instead he got worse and started babbling my mom's name and actually guessed it correctly. I feel especially angry, but I'm afraid to do anything about it for fear that he might actually know my mom's name. I don't want him to know, what should I do?
Hi, first a warm hug, I can feel your anger and aggression right now. There is a saying that how others treat you is actually what you invisibly teach yourself, what do you think of this idea?
That said, you need to reflect on why you didn't express your displeasure when the first time he said your dad's name. What was your fear behind it? Was it the fear of him doing it, or the fear of losing the relationship, or the fear of being hated? It's important to be aware of the needs behind your emotions. Once you understand your needs, you can respond better. Even if you are afraid of rejection, be brave and try to communicate that because his actions hurt you, he should apologize. You may think he won't accept your feelings, but that's just imagination and real communication may be completely different.
So, after becoming aware of your needs, express your feelings gently but firmly when someone hurts you, without judging the other person's behavior, so that he understands that his actions hurt you, and that you're a person with a bottom line who can't just be bullied.
I'm Lily the Little Ears, the world and I love you and are here to support you.